Vibe,
I’m glad you wrote back in. Paula, Vox, et al, had some astute comments and I agree with them and the general consensus here. I have been married more than once and can agree totally with the “staying with him because he’s a good guy” thing whether or not the sex was good. I got married the first time very young (20) with only a year of sexual experience. He was older, a good provider, blah blah blah, all those things that I kept telling myself would be more important than physical attraction because back then I was under the impression that physical attraction/sex goes away eventually anyway so you’d better have the other attributes for a lasting relationship (I came from a conservative background). I am now 47 and I was SO WRONG back then! ;-p I have finally had great sex (and my first orgasms at 46!) and I am not going to forsake that in a relationship anymore, no matter how wonderful the guy is. My best friend for the last 4-5 years is a man who worships me, is perfect for me in every way and treats me like a queen but there is no physical attraction for me towards him. I knew if I crossed that line with him (he’s very lonely and vulnerable) it would be a terrible mistake and I would just be using him so I have never encouraged anything of the sort. In the meantime, I am now with someone who is an 11 on a scale of 1-10 for me sexually (and pretty high up there on everything else as well) so it can happen past 40. Even if your guy is perfect “on paper” don’t beat yourself up if you are not attracted to him even after you try the suggestions above. Just be honest with him though and don’t use him.
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